MANAGING FAMILY STRESS DURING THE HOLIDAYS
While the holidays are meant to be a joyous time, for many, they can induce feelings of dread as toxic dynamics and unhealthy patterns of behaviour reemerge while home for the holidays. If you’re worried about managing your family stress this holiday season, try using these tips, provided by Psychotherapist Rebecca Martin, to help protect your peace and prevent unnecessary triggers while celebrating this year.
Physical cues
Often, stress manifests as physical symptoms in the body (i.e. headaches, stomach aches, flushed face, tension). Taking extra care to pay attention to your body’s physical cues in stressful situations can help alert you to how you’re feeling so you can better manage your emotions and prevent burnout.
Have a Safe Person
Do you have a cousin or sibling you can rely on? Stick to sitting near and chatting with family members who are less likely to trigger you and put your focus into these interactions. Focusing on interactions with individuals you feel “safe” with can help you avoid tension and conflict within the larger family group. Alternatively, if you have a partner or friend not present at the event who you rely on, make sure they’re aware that you may need extra support at this time. Take time away from the family to text, video call or chat over the phone with this individual to receive comfort and support when you most need it.
Protect your Peace
You may have experienced pain (emotional or physical) over the past year, or there may be areas of your life you feel more sensitive about. Intentionally or not, family members may pry into these areas, so it’s important to equip yourself with the necessary tools to protect yourself in these conversations. When a subject arises that you feel uncomfortable discussing, try changing the subject or informing the individual that you would prefer not to discuss it. Creating boundaries can be difficult with family but the most important thing is protecting your peace of mind.
Conflict Management
When you feel conflict rising remember that you can always choose not to engage. Step out of the room to refill your drink, help with cooking or clean up, or get a few moments of fresh air. Removing yourself from a tense situation can be difficult but it is better than engaging in a conflict that may blow up in your face, causing emotional distress.
Take Control of the Conversation
Try avoiding sensitive subjects by focusing on areas of conversation that are less likely to cause unnecessary tension. It’s a good idea to try discussing things people may have in common such as sports, movies, or music. While you cannot control how others react, by directing the conversation towards more general subjects you can try to avoid conflict with others and discussions that may trigger you.
Go For a walk
Take a walk (or several)! If you are feeling overwhelmed, step outside for some fresh air. Get some physical distance by going for a walk (either alone or with a companion of your choosing) for a mental and emotional break from the group. If you can feel your stress building, going for a walk is a great opportunity to use some mindfulness tools (such as focusing on your five senses to help break stressful thought patterns).
In Conclusion…
Remember that at the end of the day, you can always say no to situations you do not feel will serve your best interest. There may be a lot of pressure to join in the celebrations and reunions taking place throughout the holiday season but it is important to weigh the pros and cons for your mental health. You may decide to skip certain celebrations this year and spend time alone or with friends rather than family. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to spend your holidays as long as you are prioritizing your mental health and wellness.